Jun 17, 2017

15 things that "Should be cut from FFVIIR?" Really?

Somebody at Screenrant is bitching about Final Fantasy VII Remake... Here's my reaction to that list:

15: Genesis
I know Genesis is FAR from perfect, but the reasons given are rather lame:
"I don't like him so take him out!" is pretty much what this person is saying. Thing is that Crisis Core embedded Genesis into the events "5 years ago". He's also at the end of Dirge of Cerberus, so he's Kind of around. Not to mention that he lends himself to another NEW side quest.

14: The Optional status of Vincent and Yuffie.

No, God please, no...
The idea of having Optional characters is that They're OPTIONAL... If I wanna get Yuffie BEFORE leaving to Junon is MY prerogative. If I wanna wait until "Disc 3" to get both of them is MY prerogative. In each instance I play the game I don't always get them at the same point. Sometimes I wait until Disc 2 or 3 to get them. What Squaenix should allow is for them to have scenes within the game IF they're available as characters... Like say: you have Yuffie with you by the time you meet Jenova for the first time (I'm betting my ass that this time THAT will be a cutscene.) If Yuffie is in your party, then she should have a reaction to that.

Heck! Maybe they should have different reactions depending on WHICH game you pick them up...
Like say on FFVIIR-3 when Cloud and the Team decide to fight Sephiroth at last, Yuffie *(or Vincent) could comment on their reasons to fight... Let's use Yuffie as an example.
you pick her on game 1 (assuming Game 1 = PS1 Disc 1) and she remarks about Aerith being one of her reasons to fight or something.
If you pick her on game 2, her dialog is related to the summoning of the Meteor threatened Wutai and her duty as the Single White Rose of Wutai is to stop him.
If you pick her on game 3 she could act a bit of a Sephiroth fangirl (he's super kawaii aside for the whole killing everyone for Mommy thing) before deciding to destroy him due to his wicked ways.
Vincent can comment on Hojo, Lucrecia, and his failure depending on the game that Vinny joins. I know it's more work, but it would be well worth it... Better than being forced to get Yuffie at a point you normally DON'T Get her, like say on the way to Cosmo Canyon from Gongaga. Or getting Vincent of "Disc 2" when you usually get him on "Disc 1".

13: Wutai:

Bitching about one of the most annoying sidequests makes sense... Sure, it puts the breaks on the game and ramps up the difficulty artificially, like BotW's Eventide Island, buuuut... If Yuffie were Mandatory as suggested in point 14, THIS is where she would be made available. But really whining about a somewhat challenging quest? I find the WEAPON  battles more annoying. This is starting to sound like: "This is too hard, change it!"

12: The Pleasant Planet 
DO YOU EVEN FINAL FANTASY VII: OK, so Kalm was rather Calm... (Before Crisis shows a darker side to Kalm) Fort Condor shows a messed up side of Shinra trying to destroy the nearly extinct Condor because it roosted atop the reactor. Junon shows how the people in the lower part of town are in far worse shape than the town up above... Like a Midgar Jr. the two Corels... (The Original Corel is the Gold Saucer Prison while New Corel is that junky slum at the foot of the Tram to Gold Saucer. Then we have FREAKING GONGAGA!! and Nibelheim...

11: Schizo:
OK, so what's the whining now? a Not so difficult boss battle? The heck!? Because it's a Random Creature and not a Shinra this, or a Jenova that? So, climbing a cave that practically no one has entered in ages can't have a big assed monster living in it? Really? No...

10: Supernova animation:
How about this for an option: Skip button... I mean the FFXV Summons have it, I think Sephy could have it as well... But EVERYONE in their right minds wants to see an updated version of Supernova...

9: Hojo's Bizarre Adventure:

Just for the pun...
The idea is to show how AMORAL Hojo is. I mean the guy experimented with his unborn son... (I wanna believe that he raped Lucrecia, because it fits Hojo's amoral character) Having him attempt to "produce a suitable Cetra hybrid" by having a Lion/dog thing rape Aerith is a very blatant way to show his lack of morals... not to mention that inter species breeding of incompatible creatures like a human and a Lion/dog creature wouldn't have worked AT ALL!

8: The Placement of the Snowboard game:
Really? He's going to bitch about the Snowboard game? Let me guess? Aerith's death being too important and it's jarring to have a Snowboarding mini game so close? I mean it's not like we had an over the Top Death a little while before Aerith when Cait Sith made a Dramatic Heroic Sacrifice shortly before Aerith kicked the bucket... FFVII is prone to do that. They hit you with grimdark just to flip around and give you something crazy, over the top and ridiculous... I swear if Cloud in drag makes this list, this douche deserves a Fisto Bangkok...

7: Chocobo Breeding:

Are you trying to suck the fun out of the game? Experimenting with Chocobos was half the fun. Sure the Zeio Nut was a bit hard to find, but if one was looking for Enemy Skills, then hunting Goblins would yield some.

6: The Hidden Secret Cinema:
So, the reward for venturing somewhere you would normally NOT return to after getting Vincent on "disc 1" but instead make it MANDATORY!? This is starting to sound like this dude is lazy as heck...
The Revised Edition might give you some Genesis... Be careful what you wish for... I think this should be expanded upon and have Cloud, after he becomes whole again to react to Nibelheim AND the Shinra Mansion to unlock the quest for memories, riding all the way to The spot near Midgar where Zack took his last stand.

5: Carry Armor:
Many fans want it out? Dude, stop lying so much... YOU WANT IT OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A WHINY LITTLE BITCH! "You have to win the battle with one party member?" Bitch, do you even Ruby WEAPON?

4: Hojo's Beach Party: 
The fact that Hojo takes enough time to act like a perverted old man at the beach with all those girls keeps us trying to figure out what the hell is going on... This is one of those Levity moments in contrast to when we meet Hojo earlier and he was trying to play God by mating a Lion/dog thing with a woman. the Cringeworthy lines with VA will make this scene more bizarre and funny.

3: The Terrible ending:
Bitch do you even FFVII?

0:48 mark... Bugenhagen says:
"Meteor, Weapon, everything will disappear.  Perhaps even ourselves." The Ending was reflecting on those lines... We see the moment Holy tries to stop Meteor and fails, but Aerith comes to the rescue with the Lifestream... Then 500 years later, Nanaki takes his nanakids to see Midgar. Later on the events of AC and DoC were added, but if an ending is added it would have to be Post DoC and that may feature your 15th point, you moron!

2: The Slapfight:
Again, this is another quirky element to contrast the Heavy nature of events. Weapon attacked Junon, AVALANCHE is trying to escape via unconventional means. Tifa somehow managed to escape execution and is stopped from completely escaping by the Head of Weapons Development of Shinra. Now taking a page out of a Telenovela, they duke it out. Instead of a traditional boss fight we get something different.

1: Cait Sith's Scottish Accent:

Final Fantasy is KNOWN for taking names from cryptozoological beings, or Mythological...
In this case Celtic Mythology... Where are the Celts from? Exactly...

TL;DR version... The writer at Screenrant sucks... Hates all the quirky elements in FFVII (Surprised that Cloud in Drag and the implied rape didn't trigger him) and hates battles that force him to think.

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