Jan 31, 2010

Hey What The!? Air Force wants PS3...

Holy Skynet Batman!
The Air Force wants to plug in a buttload of PS3 to create some sort of Autonomous Supercomputer...
Sheesh! Haven't they learned from movies that Autonomous Computers = The End of the World!?
The next step is bringing Metal Gears to life...

PS3 is freaking Sweet... According to Otacon... No I'm not making PS3 Ads here... Y' know they WERE gonna triy it on a bunch of Xbox 360s but...

Even the Führer has had problems with the Xbox 360...

So the Air Force is going to either destroy the world or have one hell of a videogame party... (Batman: Arkaham Asylum, Uncharted, MGS4, plus whatever BR movies they get...)

Jan 28, 2010

Shows that need to vanish soon! (if they haven't aldready)

I watch a lot of TV, maybe too much TV...
Since I watch a lot of it I've seen some good shows and some bad shows. Even some shows that started good and morphed into giant steaming piles of... you get the Idea...
I will start this list with...

Yes the first Season was good (what little I saw of it) The second season wasn't that great, now we have Hiro as comedy Relief, Sylar... I don't even know if he's evil, good or just phoning it in... The Cheerleader... The one that had to be saved to save the world?
Well she fights Japanese Whalers in Real Life... That's got to count for something...

The Cleveland Show:
I love Cleveland as a character, but the show has been BORING! I honestly tried to like it. I just can't believe how the FOX it got a second season...

Ugly Betty:
I did liked the first season of this show. It was supposed to be an "Americanized" version of Yo Soy Betty La Fea. This was so far from the original verison (or it's "Mexicanized" version La fea mas Bella) that it seemed NEW and FRESH, then we got a Tranny Mistique and the show became massive multiple plot city and to be honest somewhere laong the line my interest waned.

Man vs. Wild (Born Survivor):
No I'm not hating on the show because of Bear being "fake" and 90% of his stunts being in controlled conditions. The show has become routine and some of his Survival tips & tricks are WAY over the top (even for Bear standards.)

Spongebob Squarepants:
There I've said it, RECENT Spongebob SUCKS. (I'm not too fond of Early Spongebob, but It was way better than the later Episodes.)
How can you make Spongebob even worse? Dub it in Spanish...
Somehow turning Spongebob Japanese seems to make it better...

Yes I know that some of you will fall off your chairs while reading this... ME wanting Mythbusters to end!? It must be Blasphemy! Madness!! (insert This... Is... SPARTA!!! Here)
Lately Mythbusters has turned into:

Thanks Adam for explaining it quite well. Senseless Boom! Boom! is almost Spike TV-esque.
I'm getting a bit tired of the Build Team (Tori, Grant and Kari's Substitute trying too hard to be funny.)
Discovery Channel is switching the show a lot that I have no clue when it's on!! (Supposedly it's Mondays at 9PM)

VH1's Love shows: (and Spin-offs)
VH1, MTV's so called hip, oldies loving brother... Not anymore... Ever since MTV's M stopped being for Music, Vh1 took a turn for the Worst.
I don't care if Flavor Flav, or Bret Michaels can't get love. Neither if some of those girls can't either, or if some of the guys trying to date those girls couldn't get love. I do not care if those girls get drunk and act like sluts try to be more refined in "Charm School"...

Ok we have Flavor of Love, Rock Of Love, I Love New York, Meagan wants a Millionaire, Real Chance of Love, now Frank The Entertainer's Basement Affair. 6 shows plus possible second or third seasons... There is only one good thing about these shows: I love money. (That's the VH1 version of the Real World/ Road Rules Challenge.)

Honorable Mention:
Steven Seagal: Lawman

Important announcement or something like it.

It has come to my attention that I've been making too many Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus References and Articles. (Twilight was in second place but I DID promise a Twilight Article saga.) So starting Now:
This girl is banned from the next 10 Articles...
I'll need to add something to make is a bit longer... Maybe some news regarding a Celebrity... The Late Brittany Murphy.
Basically the dude is saying that Warner Brothers killed Brittany Murphy. He's planning to sue WB... This smells a bit fishy. He's had a couple of problems and issues already...
Caring Husband or Gold Digger trying to get some money by using his dead wife?

Jan 26, 2010

Jan/26/2010 Odds and Ends.

Looks like I forgot someone on my Sidekicks post... Barry: The asthmatic kid from the Movie sidekicks. Her spent most of his time being Chuck Norris' immaginary sidekick.

Yeah I also forgot Navi... Not to be confused with the Na'vi (aka the Humanoid blue CGI kitties from Avatar). Navi is a fairy from the N64 game The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time. She is useful as a character since she can give you tips on what to do, she can lock on to targets so Link can talk to or attack. The only annoying thing about her is her constant Watch Out! Hey! Listen! Hello!

Tomorrow: JAN 27 12:00PM Eastern Time the Overlord of Evil will Return... Skeletor!!! If you like Masters of the Universe You can get him at mattycollector. com

In other News, Ronald Mc Donald seems to be in trouble once again...
All of this because one slice of cheese!? DAMN! First the mc nugget incident and now this!? Good thing I'm more of a Wendy's guy... Mmmmmm! Frosty!

Avatar related news coming up!
Oy! What's next people cosplaying as the Na'vi?
Don't send me links to that... Please!

Now for a Public Service Announcement: (Everybody's doing one Haiti related Article, so I'll toss mine in here.)
If you wanna help Haiti by sending provisions, money or whatever; just do it. Don't expect everyone to throw a freaking parade just cause you donated your spare change at Wal*Mart. I'm tired of everyone and their mothers "wanting to help" because that's the in thing. Here's something to think about: Would you have helped them if the quake hadn't occured? Helping others should come from the heart, not because it's trendy.
The following video can be considered offensive if taken out of context.
Not that one... Well it IS kinda offensive. There should be a TV rule that men shouldn't wear satin boxers... THIS ONE DOWN HERE is the "offensive one".
I wonder has Rockstar Games has helped Haiti? After the whole mess they got in a few years ago with that mission in GTA Vice City...

Jan 18, 2010

Holy something Something Batman!

Yes... The fill-in-the blank Robin quote. Robin, the quintessential sidekick. What's a Sidekick? Robin is, but I'll let the dictionary define a Sidekick.
Main Entry: side·kick
Pronunciation: \ˈsīd-ˌkik\
Function: noun
Date: 1906
: a person closely associated with another as a subordinate or partner.
Basically Robin in a nutshell. Now for a list of my favorite Sidekicks that ARE not Richard Grayson (Robin)... Maybe I'll throw in some that I hate... just for kicks.

First on my list:

The Nanny of Lion-O Man-child Lord of the Thundercats... Seriously Lion-O's mind is that of a child younger than Wily Kat and Wily Kit, but trapped in an adult body. That's why he needs a nanny. Snarf seems to have a speech problem since he adds the word Snarf to almost every sentence, snarf! snarf! He's not that useful in battle, he's more of a comedic relief. (Many Sidekicks suffer this fate.) HE also has the "Talking Animal/Pet" thing going for him.

Poor Raiden. He was (is) hated by fans for taking away the "main character" role from Soldi Snake in Metal Gear Solid 2. He gets peed on, receives a strange Presidential salute, his life has been messed up. (Parents killed by his adoptive father. raised to be a child soldier, followed up by intensive brainwashing by VR training. Having a "fake" girlfriend who then turned out to be a spy that fell in love with him. Constantly harrassed by a bisexual vampire who wants to kill or mate with Raiden.) Why is he a sidekick? He was helping Solid Snake (the "true" main character.) and that turns him into a sidekick. He gets a "cool" cyber nionja makeover for MGS 4 and helps snake along the way. Like a good sidekick he gets a lot of crap and whatever he does to help goes with little recognition.

Yes, the Trollan Mage/ Eternian Court Jester made the list. He is a sidekick and of the worst kind: The Suit induced child like character that Kids "can relate to". Which translate to; Annoying character that kids hate because it's stealking time from the cool characters and Adults hate because it dumbs down the show. I love the little guy because HE IS annoying.

Steve Urkel

The guest Character who became a sidekick and then STOLE the spotlight. I love Steve Urkel... not in that way you creeps... I mean as a fellow nerd I can understand where he comes from and see his charm. (So does James Rolfe, the guy talking in the Urkel vid I posted.) I dislike the Turning Urkel into a main character of the later episodes. (I did enjoy the Steve/Carl "adventures")

BTW. Notice that Urkel and Orko have high pitched voice and are very prone to disaster...

Lilly Truscott/Lola Luftnagle
This one was to be expected... I mean I made a Review about a Lola doll. Lilly/Lola is/are Miley/Hannah's sidekick... This secret Identity stuff is kind of annoying. Again, Disaster Prone, ditzy and is likely to end up in weird situations just to help her BFF Miley/Hannah. (You're probably thinking: "Hmm! She looks like someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it... Here's a hint...)

Enough about that let's move on with the list:

Oh Hadji! Using your mystic talents... Acting so smug and dizzying poor Jonny Quest...
-Sim Sim Salabim!
No wonder you can't get past airport security... Keep that up and they'll bring Fisto to the checkpoint.
(Video of Fisto... Guess what that Right Hand's for?) Yes the narrator IS Peter Cullen (No relation to Edward...) who is Peter Cullen? Optimus Fricking Prime!

sCRAPPY Doo... What can I say about him? Let me at 'im! Let me at 'im! to steal a line from that annoying runt. He killed Sccoby Doo, Period. Shaggy is a nice Sidekick. sCRAPPY? I guess that you've got the Idea...

James Wilson
Dr House's personal Watson, Wilson. He likes to "fix" "damaged" women when he's not playing House's sidekick. (one sidekick that does not rely in comedy to do his role.)

Jar Jar Binks
Funny how there is no video of Jar Jar...
OK, I lied... Jar Jar is the foulest Abomination to hit Sci-fi... Well other than...

But that guy is not a sidekick, Jar Jar is. Just watch teh Phantom Menace. You'll hate Jar Jar as much as nerds hate Herr Funkelt... Edward Cullen.

Jan 15, 2010

Hey What the!? }BOOM!{ Chocolate overdose and Avatar crap...

KODIAK, Alaska – A World War II relic that was displayed outside an Alaska bar for years turned out not to be a dud.

Soldiers on Wednesday detonated the 1,263-pound aerial bomb. Radio station KMXT reports it lost some of its boom after 60 years, but it did go with a bang.

The ordnance was recently donated to the Kodiak Military History Museum by a local resident, but the museum director determined it was more than just an interesting artifact.

Soldiers from the Fort Richardson Explosive Ordnance detail inspected the bomb and determined it still had Dunnite, a highly explosive material also known as "Explosive D."

They recorded the detonation and salvaged a piece of the "Da Bomb," as it was known, for display at the museum.

Holy CRAP! At least no one was hurt...

On other news...

BEIJING (Reuters Life!) – The Great Wall never looked so tasty: a team of Chinese confectioners have built a 10 metre (33 ft) long replica of the structure entirely out of chocolate in a bid to entice Chinese to eat more of the sweet stuff.

The chocolate wall is made from solid dark chocolate bricks stuck together with white chocolate and is one of the attractions at the World Chocolate Wonderland exhibition and trade show which will open to the public later this month.

Chocolatier Wang Qilu said his version of the ancient wall was a feat of engineering in itself, with a carefully constructed crumbling section at one end to resemble the real thing. He also had to make sure his materials did not melt.

"You have higher and lower levels and you have to fit each brick into place, one by one, to build it up, it's difficult," he said.

Up to 80 tonnes of chocolate were used in making the displays, which include a mini-army of 560 chocolate replicas of the famous Terracotta Warriors standing to attention on a layer of chocolate flakes.

The show's general manager, Tina Zheng, said she hoped the displays would give chocolate a boost in the Chinese market and its billion-plus consumers.

"Chocolate has not been around in China that long, it doesn't have that several-thousand-year history that it does in the West which has made chocolate as common as milk or fruit," she said.

"While in China, chocolate is a speciality or something given to children, in general, it is not widely known."

Local and foreign chocolate manufacturers will take part in the show, she added.

om nom nom? Now that's a LOT of chocolate... Quake in Haiti? not important... People getting depressed over Avatar, now THAT's news worthy of CNN...

Seriously, AVATAR? Sure the movie might have amazing visuals, but the overhyped and overpriced Pocahontas/Dances with Wolves rip-off featuring CGI blue cats is depressing people!? Give these people a piece of the Great Chocolate Wall of China... That might cheer them up...

Jan 12, 2010

It came from the Toy Chest...

This is It came from the Toy Chest, The official name for all the Toy reviews from now on. (No not all of them will be done in Comic Book style. Since this is the Very First ICFTTC I got some special guests to do the review for me.) You might need to click on the pics to read their comments.

Notice The Anime influence On He-Man's cut. One movement and a billion slashes appear.

Originally This was meant to be a Singing Hannah Montana review, but my assistant accidentaly deleted the pictures. Yes the Hannah DOES Sing and has two Hannah/Miley Phrases...
Now For a likeness test between the toys and the Actresses that the toys are supposed to look like.

I don't see it... Maybe if I get drunk and squint my eyes a Little bit I COULD see the Miley Cyrus in that Hannah doll... The Emily Osment is a little bit easier to notice on Lola but not that much...

Movie nEwS: A-Team will rock and no more Tobey-man.

Sorry, but the Video can't be embedded... Just watch it foo!
The A-Team will Rock! As long as the Trailer isn't a bait and switch... So far it seems that it'll be VERY faithful to the Series' premise. (And it seems to be an Origin Story, which would set it "before the show...")
The only minor complaint I have is the lack of GOLD on B.A.
If we could get a MacGyver movie that looks as awesome as this A-Team Trailer, I'd be a happy mullet loving nerd...
on Other News, Tobey-Man 4 is a no-go...

Sam Raimi gave up on Spidey so now they'll Reboot the Franchise... Should I be happy or sad?

-Hopefully This time they'll stay a bit closer to the Comic Book Canon... Like NORMAN OSBORN KILLKING GWEN STACY
-No "Power Ranger" Goblin.
-No more Every fricking supervillain has a connection to Spidey...
-No More KIRSTEN DUNST!!! I swear her last decent movie was Interview with the Vampire...

Yeah, You know you love it!!

Bad News:
-Venom could return
-They could use crappier mordern villains as Menace, Morlun, Paper Doll, etc.
-They could do the clone Saga...

-They could Rape Spidey beyond recognition...

Jan 4, 2010

Hey what the!? Woman punches window for nuggets

Hey what the!? will be the section for me to post odd news and talk about them. I'm gonna be naming certain specific article types in order to make them more frequent.
Now that I got out of my system let's move on.
A woman punches a drive trhu window of a Mc Donalds because there were no Mc Nuggets available.
TOLEDO, Ohio – Police say an Ohio woman punched through a McDonald's drive-through window because Chicken McNuggets weren't available. Police were called Friday to the restaurant in Toledo.

Police say 24-year-old Melodi Dushane was treated for injuries, then jailed. She pleaded not guilty to a vandalism charge. She was released on a recognizance bond and ordered not to have contact with the restaurant. The phone number for her home address isn't listed.

A manager at the McDonald's declined Monday to discuss the incident.

Ok WHAT THE HECK!? It's just Mc Nuggets... (Wendy's nuggets are way better...) Getting a busted hand for MC Nuggets??? Now that's a bit too cuckoo...

Chicken Mc Nuggets: Causing Rampages since 1980... bada ba da baaa! I'm loving it...

Jan 1, 2010

In 2010 a new moon eclipses the EPIC breaking FAIL.

That's right kids, I'm starting the New Year with the rest of the infamous Twilight "saga"...
No holds barred, Three stages of HELL Championship match!!! (Might need to split this article, but I don't wanna overtwilightize my blog... CURSE YOU STEPHENIE MEYER!!!)
Let's begin with a quick recap of Twilight:
Klutzy Bella Swan, (a Mary Sue character.) meets and falls in love with the "mysterious" Edward Cullen (a "Vampire" More like a poisonous fairy.) He "struggles" between loving her or drinking her blood. They fight an evil "Vampire", by fighting I mean she faints, bleeds and Edward does everything else. They go to prom.
To prove that I'm not making this crap up...
S. Meyer:Some parts of Bella's experiences are modeled after real life (my life, to be exact) in order to ground the fantasy aspects of the story in solid reality.
In this particular case, I modeled Bella's move to Forks after my real life move from high school to college.
See, beauty is a lot more subjective than you might think. In Scottsdale, surrounded by barbies, I was about a five. In Provo, surrounded by normal people, I was more like an eight. I had dates every weekend with lots of really pretty and intelligent boys (some of whose names end up in my books). It was quite confusing at first, because I knew there was nothing different about me.

And people dare to say that Bella is not a Mary Sue...

Now for the sequel. New Moon...
Everything is going great in Bella's magical world where "vampires" Sparkle like a million diamonds with smooth granite like skin. Edward still has such beautiful golden eyes and his body is so luscious... but Bella's birthday is coming up. OH NOES!! Bella is getting older while Edward isn't! Bella feels depressed about her birthday, but the Cullens celebrate it and overreact to a paper cut... (since they are "vampires" and all that.) So Edward's plan:
Dump Bella... Seriously, he dumps her in the forest and has his family move away form Forks. Yikes!
So now Bella is depressed and feels like her life is empty. Her friendship with Jacob Black (a minor character in the first book) grows strong. Bella discovers that she can hear her beloved Edward (who dumped her in the forest) whenever her life is danger. (Bella has a Spider Sense that looks like Mr. Sparkly.)
So what does Bella do:
A- Avoid dangerous situations, since it means hearing Edward's voice.
B- Move on with life and become Jacob's girlfriend.
C- Jump off a cliff.

The correct answer is: C. Jump off a cliff. Yes Bella develops a suicidal instinct just to hear Edward's voice. She jumps and Alice, (The Cullen's personal premonition "vampire") sees this and thinks that Bella is sleeping with the fishes. Edward thinks Bella died and goes to commit suicide in Italy. Oh yeah! Jacob is a Werewolf... (or his Wolf gene kicked in and got a super grow spurt... *cough* X-men! but more on that later.)
Alice discovers that bella is alive and that Jacob is a Werewolf (Vamps and wolves don't mix) so Bella and Alice go to Italy to save Edward (who dumped Bella in the forest). Bella stops Edward from Sparkling in Italy... They are forced to meet Don Corleone... I mean The Volturi (They're like The Godfather of the Vampire World), because Eddiekins is on trial for the second or third greatest crime against Vampire code...
So, There we meet the thing that Edward fears the most... no it's not living in a world without Bella (as the Twihards want you to believe.) It's...

Dakota Fanninng in a Little Emo Riding Hood costume. (She can torture you with her mind.)
So, the Corle... Volturi are amused by Bella and her anti mindprobe powers... (The truth is that Bella has nothing inside her head... that's why Aro couldn't see a thing) Since Edward didn't actually Sparkle in public, he is forgiven, but he has to kill Bella or make her a poison fairy. Miss Premonition machine intervenes and shows a future in which Bella is a "Vampire" so everything is forgiven and they are let go. Oh yeah! Bella forgives Edward for dumping her and all of the crap that she went through... like it never happened.
Notice the Quidditch uniform worn by Edward Cullen in the pic...

Eclipse... not the car or the gum... the Twibook.
Let's get it on with Eclipse... not in that way...
Bella wuvs Edward and he wuvs her too. He wants her to go to college. She wants to skip college and become a vampire... He wants to marry her, she wants to have sexual intercourse with Edward, but there's Jacob and his feelings for Bella... and an army of recently converted vampires that want to kill Bella. Edward and Jacob get to "fight" for Bella and they get to FIGHT the "evil vampires" for Bella...
Edward and Bella decide to get married and Jacob runs away.

Not much to say about this book, other than IT HAD THE BIGGEST FIGHT IN ALL OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA AND MOST OF IT IS OFF PAGE! OH yeah! IT shows us the silliness that is "imprinting" by having Quil "imprint" a two year old... IT sounds more like S. Meyer is saying that the Quileute are a bunch of furry pedophiles. (Do the Quileute scalp? if So Stephenie Meyer would be on top of their list...)

Now the last book on my list... Breaking Dawn but Before I start on this a few quotes from a Q&A with Stepehie Meyer...

On Edward being abusive:

Stephenie: Yeah, yeah, OK. There's a lot of stuff online that has, honestly, broken my heart recently. It is difficult to read things that take such a negative spin on something that is very personal and also makes a lot of sense inside your head. I think it's, I have a hard time with that one because to me you have this kid, sure, he's a hundred and something, but at the same time he's also seventeen and it's the first time he's been in love.
But he has only the best of intentions pretty much at all times, and to think of him as either mean or controlling or having any kind of neg- wanting to impact Bella's life in a negative way is really not how his character is

So, Edward is NOT Abusive or controlling?
-He is always hovering over her wether she's awake or asleep.
-He's trying to break her privacy by reading the minds of those around her. (He desires to read hers as well.)
-He manipulates her constantly to get his way.
-He deprived her from contact with her friends (especially the Native American kind.)
-He loves her almost as much as he wanted to kill her (he's a "vampire")
But he LOVES Bella... Isn't there a saying about the path to Hell is paved with good intentions?

On Vampires and Sparkling :

Stephenie: Why would they explode into cinders in the sunlight? It just made sense to me that there would be a reason for staying out of the sun, maybe not something that drastic, and then I want to write about pretty things, you might have noticed that.
I didn't know the rules to not follow them, but I didn't feel any compunctions to keep up with the genre because I was just doing it for me.

She wants to write about pretty things like, Native American Pedophiles, Bella Swan's interests in necrophilia, the marvelous way in which Bella's parents let her do whatever she wants? (Especially the daughter of a small town police chief?) Oh wait she was writing this for herself... (Glorified fanfiction with a Mary Sue main character... duh!) She didn't know the vampire rules and she chose to write about them? I think I should dig more into this...

Stephenie: how I came up with my vampires, and because I didn't read all those old stories, I still have never read Bram Stoker's Dracula, I will someday when I get done writing this, I didn't have all the rules to work with, and then I don't really like horror novels, so I wrote more from my roots, which is like superheroes. Which is more my thing. So that's - I just kind of made it up as I went along. It's a lot more fun that sort of following other people's rules, so sure.

Ahhh. So she's a Superhero fan... (She probably likes Batman cause she made a reference to Bruce Wayne and his young ward Richard Grayson in Breaking Dawn. More on that later.) Instead of writing Books with "Vampires" why didn't she write books about Superheroes?
(Well her fighting scenes suck, no pun intended. She just kinda makes it up as she goes along. She's got the Hyper powerful Mary Sue character problem. She sould join Marvel's Spidey braintrust... She'll fit right in.) Or write about the years that Edward was playing "vampire" Superhero, by killing the wicked and saving the innocent.

Now I can't avoid it for much longer... The Conclusion to Bella's Story: EPIC FAIL!!
Sorry... Breaking Dawn

Bella and Edward get married. They go to Carlisle's private island and the break a headboard and some pillows by implied sex. Bella gets pregnant(How do Vampires get a boner? How can vampires impregnate women since they are DEAD?)

Stephenie: In the novel, I only mentioned a few of the many legends I read through. One that I didn't mention at this point was the entry on the Incubus. The unique feature about that legend was that the incubus could father children.

So, She's now mixing creatures here...
Main Entry: in·cu·bus
Pronunciation: \ˈiŋ-kyə-bəs, ˈin-\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural in·cu·bi \-ˌbī, -ˌbē\ also in·cu·bus·es
Etymology: Middle English, from Late Latin, from Latin incubare
Date: 13th century
1 : an evil spirit that lies on persons in their sleep; especially : one that has sexual intercourse with women while they are sleeping
Main Entry: vam·pire
Pronunciation: \ˈvam-ˌpī(-ə)r\
Function: noun
Etymology: French, from German Vampir, from Serbian vampir
Date: 1732
1 : the reanimated body of a dead person believed to come from the grave at night and suck the blood of persons asleep

So now Edward's an incubus and impregnated Bella. So Bella ges through an accelerated pregnancy. Jacob is angry about the dhampir in progress that is killing Bella. Now the Wolves want to kill the "vampires", but Jacob wants to protect Bella and becomes a lone wolf... Two more Wolves join Jacob. We get a gruesome scene for the birth of the "Demon Spawn" and Edward makes a C-Scetion with his teeth... Another of Stephenie Meyer's "pretty things" that she loves to write about; I suppose. Edward turns Bella and the Baby is growing at an accelerated rate. Jacob "imprints" on the baby... (furthering the Native American = Furry Pedophile "pretty thing" that Stephenie loves) Everyone is happy, Bella becomes THE STRONGEST, MOST COORDINATED "VAMPIRE" of them all. (SUPER MEGA MARY SUE POWAZ!!!1!) The Corleon... Volturi find out about the baby.

Renesmee... That is an actual portrait of the kid... Wait that the wrong Nessie... Whatever...
The Volturi want to kill Nessie (No Vampire kids allowed... The world does not need kid "Vampires"... I guess they saw The Little Vampire.), so the Cullens get a bunch of Vampires from ALL over the World to stand against the Volturi... (The ultimate Vamp Gang war... World "Vamp" War or something...)
This has to top the fight in the third book...
Nope! They talk... and talk... and Bella uses her super Mary Sue Powers to protect everybody from Dakota Fanning's telepathetic powers. The Volturi leave and everyone lives happily ever after.

I honestly cannot wait for the Breaking Dawn MOVIES (They're gonna split it in 2) That will make Dragon Ball Evolution look like a Masterpiece...

UPDATE: Someone pointed out that I forgot my ratings... and as I said I don't want to overtwilightize the blog. Here they are.
Twilight: 2.5
New Moon: 2.0
Eclipse: 2.5
Breaking Dawn: 1.5

Why? As I said on my twilight review: The books are easy to read, but they have this fanfictiony feel.
New Moon lost it's .5 because of the story and making Jacob Black into a Supernatural being... Can't Bella have any normal human friends?!
Eclipse is a 2.5 because it resolved loose ends from Twilight and New Moon, but sadly it left me hanging in the action department. Don't get me wrong, it has the most action on any Twibook, but most of it happens off page.
Breaking Dawn got a 1.5 because it was the END of the series. It was a huge letdown storywise and the flaws of Stephenie Meyer's writing are slapping you on the face EVERY SINGLE MOMENT... The switching narrators was a nice change of pace from plain ol' Bella's POV.

Saga"" Overall: 2.1 Just, don't bother with it...