Aug 31, 2009

Disney's going to buy Marvel for 4 Billion dollars!

Okay! Not so great news today. Disney wants Marvel. Yes Disney as in Mickey Mouse, Hannah Montana, High School Musical, etc. is trying to gets its hands on Spider-Man, Ironman, Wolverine, etc.

Not even in my weirdest nightmares I would have thought of this pairing. This is not "the best of both worlds."

Well it seems that The Suits see this Merger as pure Win. Well Disney's been lacking in the "Just for Boys" Department. Kim Possible, Lizzie Maguire, High School Musical, Hannah Montana. All of these are "Just for Girls." The last Disney related things to be more Boy-oriented are The Incredibles and Cars. So The Mouse-Eared Suits think that taking over Marvel will help them win the little boys. I just think that it's a case of penis-envy over Warner that has DC Comics.

Problem is that Comic Books target are not kids. Most of them are on their late teens and older. Most of Marvel Comics characters clash with Disney's "squeaky clean image." Spidey made a deal with the devil and there have been no repercussions regarding that deal. Ironman is an alcoholic that sleeps with anything in sight. Wolverine does the same thing and kills a lot. Punisher... Do I need to elaborate?

Hopefully Disney will give free reign to Marvel Comics, but somehow they'll step in so they can attract a boy audience. On the good side this means that Marvel is now backed by the best animation studios and Disney's deep pockets will help make the Marvel Brand more established. (Also there can be a GARGOYLES COMIC!!!) But this is Disney and I fear that they'll push their stars on the projects. Power Pack the movie with a Disneyfied Cast:
Sterling Knight (17 Again) for Zero-G Alyssin Ashely Arm (Sonny With a Chance) for EnergizerMitchell Musso (Hannah Montana) for Mass Master Annasophia Robb (Race to Witch Mountain) for Lightspeed.
Doesn't look that bad. I know, but as long as we don't go Miley Cyrus for Dazzler, Selena Gomez for AraƱa it's ok. I do not wat to see Xavier's School for the Gifted Musical.
If Disney gets Marvel does it mean that we'll see Wolverine (with taped claws), Ultimate Zippered Spider-Man on Kingdom Hearts IV? Only time will tell True Believers... and hopefully Disney Magic will undo Joe Quesada's... I mean Mephisto's deal from One More Day.
I love Disney, I love Marvel; I just don't know what to do with this new amalgam. Marney? Disvel. If Miley shows up in a Marvel comic I'm buying that... Especially on Deadpool. Oh no! They could make a comic book with the Jonas Brothers as Superheroes... I just threw up in my mouth. (Great! looks like I'm gonna be having nightmares tonight...)

Aug 28, 2009

Cartoon Network is no longer a cartoon network.

Lately Cartoon Network has been showing live action shows and that is seriously messed up. The fun thing about Cartoon Network is... WAS that you'll get cartoons 24/7. Now with this "CN Real" block, Cartoon Network is no longer the Cartoon Network.

Don't get me wrong, they've got some good shows, like The Othersiders, Destroy Build Destroy, and Survive This. The thing is that THEY ARE NOT CARTOONS and they feel out of place in a network that is supposed to have Cartoons 24/7. They seem to be more suited for Discovery Kids, or Nick.

The best of those shows in my opinion is Survive This. Basically it's Survivorman: Junior Edition, with Les Stroud as the Bearer of bad news (and challenges).
He definetely is not a friend to those kids. One time he took away part of their rations, because they didn't follow proper survival instructions. Its a good thing to see Les Stroud again on TV, even if its just him making the life of Canadian teens a bit tougher.
On the other side of the Coin Total Drama Island and its sequel Total Drama Action are really awesome. A Cartoon version of a Reality Show... Only in Canada my friends... Cartoon Network is importing a lot of shows from Canada... Cool!

Aug 27, 2009

Top Ten "Do"s and "Don't"s for a Masters of the Universe Live Action Movie.

Ok, you should know by now that I fear what they're going to do with the Live Action Adaptation of Masters of the Universe. Here is a list of things that they should do and shouldn't do in order to make me (and possibly other people) happy.

Now He-Man and Skeletor will show you the do's and don'ts.

1- Use a Magnificent score; subtle music when subtlety is needed and epic music while having epic scenes.

2- Use physical effects whenever they are possible and CGI when the effect cannot be achieved physically.

3- Use designs as closely as possible to the Toys (Both vintage MOTU and 200X redesigns are fair game. The MOTU Classics is an updated version of the Original line with some 200X elements thrown in some figs; so those are fair game too. Aslo weapons, Vehicles and places should resemble the original designs.)

4- Key Iconic Eternian locations MUST be shown. Castle Greyskull, Royal Palace of Eternos and Snake Mountain are the top 3 places people want to see.

5- Take the movie seriously. Just because it is based on a toyline does not mean that it cannot have a compelling Story. Respect the source material and you may have a huge blockbuster.

6- Have a competent group of warriors WITH He-Man. There is no need to have a demigod He-Man beating the tar out of Skeletors forces while the rest of the cast sit it out. He-Man is not Goku (The manga Goku, not the Goku-in name only from Dragon Ball: evolution)

7- Skeletor's forces MUST be a threat to Eternia. There MUST be a need for He-Man and the other Heroic Warriors.

8- Controlled Easter eggs. A little nod to the fans here and there is good. As long as the story remains coherent.

9- Use a cast of mostly unknown actors that look like the characters. (No Black Randor, Asian Teela, or Female Merman.)

10- Create a world that is darker than the Cartoons, but without going in too dark. He-Man is not Batman or Spawn, so he shouldn't be super brooding and/or extremeley violent.

1- Use Modern bands/songs during the movie. I don't care how popular Linkin Park, Miley Cyrus, or Eminem are. THEY ARE NOT MOTU!!!

2- Have Product Placement. THIS IS NOT EARTH; it's Eternia. There is no Norton Antivirus, nor Mountain Dew on Eternia. AT&T does NOT have any bars on Greyskull.

3- Ultra armored Space-cowboy He-Man. He is a Barbarian looking warrior. Disco Dancing Trenchcoat Skeletor is another NO.

4- Planet Earth. We don't need to have He-Man, Teela and Man-at-Arms chasing Dakota Fanning and her boyfriend on Earth just because they have the key synthesizer that will allow the Eternians to return home.

5- Go over the top with jokes. We do not need to see Battlecat peeing Skeletor's eye socket, nor Panthor humping Evil Lyn's leg.

6- Have useless characters. (Except Mekaneck) By useless I mean, that the character is there, supposedly is a key part, yet he/she does absolutely nothing. Having Man-at-Arms standing around in the middle of a battle, while He-Man is doing all the fighting.

7- Stupid villains. This is not a cartoon. The besty part on a movie is the villain. If the villain isn't compelling enough, we do not care.

8- Try to cater so much to the fans that it becomes an inside joke. Not everyone knows about the Legendary Wun-Dar, or the Fearless Photog.

9- Use Original characters, when an exsisting character from MOTU can be used.

10- Kill main characters, like Skeletor, Randor, Man-at-Arms.

Chances are that Hollywood will DO the DON'TS. I know my list won't change anything, but its fun to post about what it could be.

Aug 22, 2009

Why don't we have more PSAs on TV shows?

As a child of the 80s I was bombarded with Public Service Announcements after every show and the ones that were aired as normal ads. Also a lot of my favorite shows from the 80s-90s had their Very Special episodes in which they dealt with some touchy subject like drugs, alcohol, missing children etc. Today's shows lack these PSAs and are just glorified 30 minute ads for the toys/videogames/card games that they're peddling on the kids.

I mean at least MY 30 minute Toy ads had some Educational value. Now for some PSA Reviews... Technically is commenting on the weirdness of the PSAs
He-Man/She-Ra talk about the "Bad Touch".
Ok, notice how He-Man avoids mentioning a Priest... Does he know something that we don't? Just remember that Parents, Counselors, Teachers, Doctors, Rabbis or Ministers are ok to know if you've been molested.

Lady Jaye from G.I. Joe says that "it's ok to be a chicken if you're scared."
Notice how the little girl says that they shouldn't be here and they should leave. The kids are Tresspassing and Lady Jaye appears out of nowhere carrying a spear. IS she hunting for COBRA? Is she the owner of that property and is scaring off the tresspassers? (I know that she owns some property that belonged to one of Destro's Ancestors, but stalking kids with a spear, now that's creepy. Then again part of the Joe training is to stalk kids. Good to know where America's budget is being spent.) So Lady Jaye is there and encourages the kids to keep on tresspassing if they use their heads.

Shipwreck stops a kid from running away from home.
Here we have the kid with the pink hat claiming that his parents are mean and that he'll run away from home. Did they force him to wear the silly pink hat? He looks like he's comes from a nice home. He has no visible signs of being physically abused or anything that would really make a kid run away. Running away is bad. But hearing the advice from a sailor in the woods, now that is strange? Why is Shipwreck in the woods. He seems to be in civilian clothing, so he's not on a Joe Mission. It seems like he was waiting for the kid to pass by. Do the Joes spend half their budget on finding troubled kids and showing them the way?

Jem and The Holograms
The audio is screwed up on that video but you can get the idea. Loose electric wire + Stupid kid who wants to move it out of the way but is stopped by cartoon character. Kinda like the GI Joe one with Roadblock.

Thundercats: Drinking alcoholic beverages is bad.
Lion-O and Snarf flat out tell you that drinking is bad. Yeah! No sugar coating, no kicking it up a notch, Lion-O and Snarf give it to you straight: "Drinking is bad it's against the law." THUNDERCATS HO!!!! I want to make a joke about the Sword of Omens and women's locker rooms but I've got nothing...

Bumblebee gives some helpful advice.
Umm. Didn't I do this one already? Nope. That one had G.I. Joes... This one's got Bumblebee... So the Transformers are Representing... Now we know and knowing is half the waitaminute! The PSAs are ripping each other off. First it was Jem and now Transformers!? OK I retract some of my dislike for the Bayformers... seeing as the Autobots spent most of their time stalking kids and ripping off G.I. Joe then Michael Bay's movie is more faithful than I expected.

As I said not only cartoons were on the PSA train. Now for some non- cartoon PSAs.

Pee-Wee talks about crack
We all know Pee-Wee Herman or when he was caught touching himself in a "bad way". Here he's explaning us about crack being bad. Which is disturbing because, seing a dead serious Pee-Wee is just wrong.

Gremlins PSA
WTF!? So now teens are like Mogwai. Don't let them get exposed to bright lights, don't wet them and don't feed them past midnight...

Any questions?

How come today's kids don't get education from their cartoons and tv shows. All they have is this:
Why can't they have Yugi or the kids from Bakugan or Ben 10 telling them that drugs are bad, hiding inside a fridge can kill you or something... As seen here... Probably the only episode everyone remembers.

Aug 19, 2009

First Entry

Hi! I'm Nefty and this is my House of Rants. Here you'll read about things that I like, dislike, and some socially irrelevant commentary about various events in Pop Culture. Everything is fair game here. Movies, Toys, Cartoon, Videogames, Board games, Celebrities, etc. If it catches my eye and enough time for me to rant; it'll be here...

Toys into Movies
Okay! Let's begin with Movie Adaptations of Famous Toys... Yes I'm talking about Transformers and G.I. Joe. Both are Hasbro's Cashcows. Both had aboslutely awesome cartoons in the 80s... (Both GI Joe and Transformers have their season 1 dvd sets available for sale...) Both Transformers and GI Joe had a cartoon movie in the 80s. (In TF Optimus Prime dies and in GI Joe Duke dies... I mean he ended up in a coma because People hated that Optimus died in Transformers... This is not that much of a spoiler because those movies are over 20 year old... Transformers: The Movie beats the living crap of Boy tries to get laid using a robot car while the military and some men in black wannabes stop the Decepticons while the Autobots play hide and seek... I mean Michael Bay's Transformers.

There is only one reason while People love the Transformers movies... Megan Fox.

Here we can see Megan Fox doing the best thing she does. Being eye candy.
I don't like her but it seems that the world does... The masses were captivated when she was checking Bumblebee's hood. Was I the only guy who wanted to see the Giant fricking Robots beating the enginsludge out of each other!? The Robots... I can't ID the robots in the movie!! They looked like car victims form a Baysplosion marathon. Let's look at Starscream. (Voiced by Chris Latta in the old cartoon, who by the way also voiced the Cobra Commander in GI Joe.) He does not look like Starscream at all.

The one on the left is Starscream. The one on the right... not so much... You might be thinking:" The one on the left looks boxy and toylike! The one on the right is soo awesome!"

The problem is that the hypercomplicated design is hard to notice in motion AND with Bay's shaky "in the Fray" cam.

-"But it's an adaptation and changes HAVE to be made!"

That is true but, when you have the TRANSFORMERS being nothing more than glorified background characters on a film NAMED AFTER THEM there is something wrong. Now unto the next Hasbro Movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. (Not going to talk about Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen until the GI Joe Sequel. I want to be fair and compare their first movies.)

GI Joe is no longer a REAL AMERICAN HERO. They're an International force. Maybe it was to avoid associations with Team America: World Police. (Though a couple of scenes reminded people of Team America. Some screamed America #$%^ Yeah! on the theatre various times...

no! I wasn't one of them. I swear on my action figure collection!) My fears of Marlon Wayans making the movie unwatchable were wrong. Channing Tatum on the other hand... Lets just say that a carboard cutout had more charisma and talent. The plot is pretty Sommers-esque with a couple of Joe related stuff sprinkled in. But all the good Joe flavor is killed by two words: Accelerator suits.

Accelerator suits suck everywhere except on GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra Videogame. (Their suckyness is eliminated by having an instrumental version of the GI JOE: A Real American Hero theme song while you use the power up. Fun game by the way, kinda like Contra but in 3D and with GI Joe characters). The movie isn't great, but both Transformers movies (The Michael Bay ones not the animated ones) have set the bar so low that GI Joe exceeds expectations.

Both movies suffer from huge deviations to the source material, unnecessary love stories, but at least GI Joe does not have the Joes peeing on Cobra or Ripcord humping Scarlett's leg.

My fear is what's going to happen with the "Supposedly Coming Soon" Adaptation of
He-Man and The Masters of The Universe...
Mattel is trying to revive the Masters of the Universe line with the Masters of the Universe Classics sold exclusively on Mattel's website
Hopefully the figures will sell well and we'll get the movie. (Hopefully respectful to the essence of Masters of the Universe... Please keep it on Eternia and with a scantilly clad He-Man no Space knight futuristic armor crud.) Only time will tell.
That's it for my first rant. Hopefully this new surge of reviving 80s franchises means the return of Thundercats and SilverHawks... Imagine those guys with Marvel Legends-esque Articulation...